I have many reasons not to trust in the genuine nature of human beings. I have been cheated on, lied to, had money stolen from me and have even had my purse snatched from my very shoulder, but I continue to put my faith in each person I meet until they do me wrong.
I hired a dog walker. I googled dog walkers in my area and began phoning around to find a person who could save me and my dog from the 12 hours he was going to be left unsupervised and in great need of a pee. Eventually I made contact with a woman who said she could help me, I just had to run over to the park to meet her and make sure my Shadow was agile and friendly enough to walk with her group. I rushed over to the park and met her, all went well, except she was much less friendly than the type of woman I expected to be a dog walker. She didn't make eye contact or even shake hands, but then again, she does spend her life with dogs. So I left her instructions with my address, where I would hide my key and where I would leave money for her, and then my naiveness began to plague my thoughts.
So this is where the dilemna begins... first of all, should I trust this woman with my dog. She was in the park playing with a large group of dogs, therefore she must like them a bit, no? But, perhaps she takes certain cute ones home and, well we all heard about Richard Geere and the rats, now imagine my poor Shadow. Second worry: as I lock my door and prepare to leave for the next 12 hours with a complete stranger having full access to my house, I realize we have a fair amount of valuables sitting around. Besides the $17 I have set beside Shadow's leash to pay the dogwalker, there is about $500 in twenty dollar notes sitting on my desk waiting to be deposited. It sits beside my own and my roomate's Macbooks and above our large collection of shoes, jackets and expensive clothing. Well.... add to the problem that this isn't even my own house and it leads to the apartments above and behind mine which are always unlocked, so she will have access to these areas as well. To say that walking dogs is an easy access plan will probably jinx my day. Or worse yet, say she doesn't steal from me today, nor does she harm my pooch but instead she copies the key and comes back three weeks, three months, or three years down the road and takes everything and I completely forget that single moment when I gave that woman access to my little apartment. If she were a professional she will have addresses, keys, photos, details, details, details. I said I still put faith in the genuinity of humans, but I didn't say my mind doesn't wander just a bit.
This extends much further than just dog walkers but to gas meter-readers, couriers, grocery deliverers, door to door canvassers, Jehova's witnesses, and most threating of all: babysitters. If I worry this much about the secureness of leaving a dogwalker a key, imagine the fire I will enter when I search for a person, probably an unpredictable crackhead teenager, to care for my own flesh and blood with full access to all of my belongings. I am starting to understand the reasoning for the torturous process of applying for childcare positions and even for corporate positions within financial institutions; because that too is somebody's baby.
So before I think myself into a mental self-enclosed crawl space, I must retreat to my original position. I will trust, or rather, try to trust in each person that enters my life, with reasonable precautions. I will give my key to this dog walker only because I have met her, seen her with dogs and have her phone number and website information. I will not trust a young student from craigslist who has sent me one reference of a man whose dog she walked for a week, who could very well be her burgular accomplice. I will not trust the man who approaches me in the bar and says he is a photographer and wants to make me a model, yet fails to supply a business card, contract or reputable company. I will not trust a man who offers to rent me his apartment but does not prove to me that he is the owner. I will not trust a boyfriend who says he will pick me up on time tonight when he has been late all week. I will take reasonable doubt, but still try to place trust in human nature. I do not want to become my mother, to be weary of putting my credit card number on any piece of paper, web form or over the telephone. Who worries about any phone calls from telemarketers and refuses to answer the phone if she does not recognize the phone number. She could be missing out on important conversations with long lost lovers because she is afraid. She will not talk to strangers in fear that they will steal her purse, her pin code or even her personal identity. But she will also never again meet someone new, because that stranger has just one label in her mind: evil.
I will not call in sick. I will not give my shift away because my dog will be home alone too long. I will trust this dogwalker, I will trust her until she fucks me. And if she fucks me, I will track her down and force this blog down her manipulative, scheming, non-eye contact making face. But until then, I will trust her.
